RECENT RELEASES

RECENT RELEASE FROM MARCH 2022

“Cling to Christ” by Michelle K (featuring Aaron Goodhew)

The story behind the song

Jesus was standing beside my hospital bed and he reached down and picked me up, I clung to Him with all my heart, I was safe.

Mental Illness was present in my life for a short season, but I now live clean of any medication. I am alive today to tell the story of my rescue and to tell the world that God cares about every detail of our lives. There is no shame in taking medication.

March 2019 was the time I broke down and was admitted to hospital for one week, it felt like an eternity of a waking nightmare. I thought I was going to die that night, I thought I was going to hell. I texted my mum to say goodbye and thank her for loving and raising me, I took my wedding ring off and told the nurse to tell my husband to find another wife because I thought that it was going to be my last night on earth. Voices told me I wasn’t a child of God, it was psychosis and according to the voices, I was going to die and burn in an eternity of hell. I smelt burning flesh, I reached the great depths of losing my mind. The doubt and unbelief was stronger than anything I had ever felt in my life and in that place was the place where Jesus came in again and found me, he rescued me from my doubt, my unbelief. I clung to him with all my heart!

I had many questions after the psychotic episode leading up to hospitalisation. My whole life was dedicated to serving in God’s house, I stepped up to give my heart to Jesus at the age of 5. I felt the drawing of the Holy Spirit on that day and my life was transformed. I became a worship leader from the age of 18, I completed two albums (“Pure Heart” By Michelle Kahnt and “Saturate Me” by Michelle K) yet I couldn’t understand why a Christian who had such long standing in Christ could lose her mind. I went to Bible College, I ticked all the boxes but I thought I lost my salvation. How did this happen if I loved Jesus all my life? I went to the pit and God was there, he showed me many people in the Bible who also went to the pit, I was in good company. The Bible breathed life into my being and showed me the way. It was a slow and steady process but I am here today with a message that never gets old. That is, Jesus is the great and mighty saviour who is forever faithful and interested in our salvation more than we are.

Rising up from the pit I came to the realisation of just how poor in spirit I was. My spirit broke but I was rescued by a beautiful Saviour. I thought it was my fault, maybe it was my husband’s fault? My churches’ fault? No to all these, it was simple, mental illness can touch our lives at some point and it isn’t anybody’s fault, mental illness isn’t a sin and we can’t blame anyone. I later learnt that grief was the trigger, all the Gospel goodbyes from my previous Church family, living so far away from my blood family, the regrets of things I could have done better and the things in life not going to plan. All of these things contributed to my mental mess. I didn’t know how to process my emotions. I would suppress them instead.

During recovery I learnt the responsibility of managing my emotions and the processing of those emotions. It was six months after I completed my second album that I crashed. Everything became too much and something snapped, I broke.

I had attended Liberti Church Carrara for almost three years serving but I came to a point where I wasn’t doing well and dropped everything. I felt if I didn’t use my gift people wouldn’t love me, people wouldn’t see me, however I soon found out that I was surrounded by a grace filled people, not afraid of the pit, who loved me not for my gift. They were people who extended their arms to show me that I was loved deeply even in weakness. I came to understand that weakness is a superpower in God’s kingdom because God uses the weak things of this world to confound the wise and he draws near to the weak. Step by step it was a tough journey into rehabilitation, I experienced brain damage but I found a new light to my walk with God, a new joy in suffering. A great healing occurred, slow and steady but having the Gospel on repeat was the key to my rehabilitation. Jesus embraced me in my mess and he was right in it. He rebuilt me into something more beautiful than ever before. He turns shame into glory.

On a physical note I found out I was low in iron, vitamin D, and my hormones were out of whack, I would sleep 2-3 hours every afternoon including a long 8-10 hour night sleep. A naturopath MD was able to see the missing pieces in my physical body. I also saw a psychologist on a regular basis and I started to go in depth with the BSF Bible study fellowship. Through this whole process I learnt some vital keys in life, how it’s all connected, physically, mentally and spiritually. How frail a human life is. God uses very imperfect people to fulfil his perfect will.

The other questioning I would go through was, Can God lose a Christian? I believed it was true at the time, He lost me, I lost Him! If I was Christian how did I lose my mind? How did I reach psychosis? The Truth is some of us have things in our physical body going wrong, chemical imbalances that make us in need of medication. My struggle was all encompassing, after my second child my health plummeted. However having children are worth it, it’s not all pain either, there is much joy. My two boys Immanuel and Theodore, I wouldn’t replace them for anything.

I truly know now beyond a shadow of a doubt that nothing could ever separate me from God’s love, even though hallucinations told me I was demonised even though I wasn’t. It definitely was a waking nightmare for a Christian. But No demon in hell could separate me from Jesus that is the truth of God’s word (Romans 8:38,39)!

The Doctors were surprised at how I was getting through this in hospital. I found a guitar and with the 4 chords I knew I wrote some songs. They weren’t very good songs but I believe it was a witness to the other patients. One lady could hear me through the wall and thought I was her guardian angel. I wrote a song called Jesus friend of Sinner. I also gave everyone a copy of my Saturate Me album, the doctors were so surprised that I was putting all my energy into singing. They couldn’t believe the positive influence that was happening.

They sent me home with medication and I went on a journey seeing a Christian psychiatrist, he diagnosed it as psychotic depression and I am fully aware now that grief played the largest role in getting me there. It was interesting because the psychologist who had seen me before the breakdown didn’t see me as having depression. It must have been so suppressed that he didn’t see it. I came from a name it and claim it mindset, one that was all about speaking faith. It wasn’t okay to speak negatively, it wasn’t okay not to be okay. You gotta speak faith to be a woman of faith… Well, I soon lost that way of thinking real quick because I couldn’t deny all the feelings I had. It’s important to find a healthy outlet to express emotions.

Depression hit me big time after psychosis. I couldn’t get out of bed. I was suicidal. When I think back I cannot begin to comprehend that feeling now! That recognition of having no hope is devastating.

I learnt again the simple things in life! I became aware that God again loved me for me and not my worship gift! He was right there even when I didn’t feel him!

Two months out of hospital the Lord showed me a picture of Himself coming beside my bed in the hospital. In the vision he reached down and picked me up, I clung to him and I was safe. Shortly after I started writing “Cling to Christ” it was a song that was birthed out of the pit and Jesus came to my pit!

Two years later I collaborated with Aaron Goodhew who took the song and awakened it to be more congregational, Aaron worked on all the Elevation Youth Music and I was blessed to have met him. I pray this song will bless many churches. In my mind I was thinking I couldn’t write for churches but working with Aaron helped me to grow. I believe this song has a real substance for people to cling to. Jesus first loved us, he reached down to rescue us and our response is to cling to him. The Lord showed me an example in the scriptures of Peter walking on water. Peter was drowning after he doubted and Jesus reached down to pick him up out of the water, I believe this was representative of my story on the hospital bed. I was lying in my doubt and unbelief but Jesus had mercy and picked me up.

LYRICS

Verse 1

I cling to Christ, with all my heart

I cling to Christ, my all in all

His precious blood, has covered me

His precious blood has washed me clean

Verse 2

I gaze upon, that rugged cross

All shame is gone, all guilt is lost

When darkness comes to trouble me

I cling to Christ who set me free

Chorus

Mighty is the Lord our God

He reigns forevermore

Though storms may rage and tempest roar

I will cling to Christ the Lord

Verse 3

My life is hidden in the cross

And all my gain I count as loss

Thou my heart is prone to stray

I cling to Christ my hope and stay

Bridge

I know my God, is in control

In every season, always close

And when my heart, can cling no more

Jesus my saviour won’t let me go

Verse 4

On that day when you return

I will stand before your throne

Every tear you’ll wipe away

And I’ll forever sing your praise

Credits and thanks to all those involved in the Cling to Christ project! Above all I thank Jesus and my husband Christian.

Producer: Lachlan Holmes

Mix Engineer: Lachlan Holmes

Mastering Engineer: Bruno Gruel

Song Writers, Vocalists: Michelle Kahnt & Aaron Goodhew

Acoustic Guitarists: Lachlan Holmes

Electric guitarists: Lachlan Holmes

Drums: Isaac Anderson

Piano: Lachlan Holmes

Synths & Programming: Lachlan Holmes

Vocal Coach: David Valks

Videography and website: Tim Daly, Oculuma

Photographer: Christopher Campbell

Cover art and social media designs: Christopher Campbell